


whatever you do (i'll be two steps behind you)

by lvckypeople



Series: something here is dying, and i could use a friend [1]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Fluff, Nicole is broken and confused, Nightmares, Post 3x03 fic, WynHaught brotp, Wynonna is super super sweet to Nicole, and Waverly really really loves her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 09:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15579102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvckypeople/pseuds/lvckypeople
Summary: Nicole wakes up from another nightmare and she opens up to Wynonna about her past.Or,The one with a Wynhaught moment we all deserve and some super cute Wayhaught cuddles.





	whatever you do (i'll be two steps behind you)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't quite know how I ended up writing this one but I ended up being really happy with it so??
> 
> Rated T for mentions of brief violence and death.

Claustrophobic. 

 

That’s how Nicole felt. 

 

It was as if she knew she was having these nightmares but she couldn’t stop them because she wouldn’t wake up. She was conscious of her unconsciousness, if you will. 

 

She wanted to wake up. She wanted to be able to control herself and stand up for the present, but the past was very much becoming that present and there was nothing she could do. 

 

Even being in her safe place, her favourite place in the world, by Waverly’s side. The nightmares wouldn’t let that help her. Not anymore. 

 

She was constantly haunted by red.

 

Blood and pain and screams and it  _ hurt _ . 

 

More than Nicole led on. 

 

They wouldn’t stop, and Nicole begins to think they won’t  _ ever _ stop.

 

So she found herself waking again, launching up in bed, her breathing heavy and body covered in sweat. 

 

She knows she was crying in her sleep. She  _ knows _ she was crying and she knows her body wasn’t actually on fire but  _ Jesus _ it sure did feel like it.

 

The dreams are always similar, but never quite the same. 

 

They start the same way every time, just as a happy day out with her aunt and uncle, but they always end differently. 

 

In which she is always saved by someone she feels like she recognises but can’t put a face to the name, and that someone she loves dies every time. It’s always someone different.

 

This time felt too real though, because Dolls is the one to die and it all feels too  _ real _ because Dolls really isn’t alive anymore.

 

Dolls is  _ dead. _

 

Dolls was killed by the same thing that tried to kill her when she was so young, but Dolls is dead and she isn’t and it all feels like it’s her fault.

 

Maybe if Nicole hadn’t been saved years ago, Dolls would be alive. 

 

She could unknowingly sacrifice herself for Dolls and she would be happy and willing for that to have happened if it meant that the nightmares could just  _ stop. _

 

It would mean that Nicole would never have met any of her family now, but Dolls would still be alive and that meant that Wynonna could be keep Dolls and Waverly could have her big brother. Doc could have his friend, because that’s what they were even if they weren’t friendly all the time. 

 

And Jeremy. 

 

Jeremy wouldn’t face the guilt of having to keep Dolls’ health deterioration private and away from the rest of the family. He wouldn’t have to deal with Wynonna’s sadness and her order for him to pack up his stuff and  _ leave. _ Dolls was like a brother to him too, Nicole could see that. Jeremy looked up to him in terms of his care for the family and Nicole just  _ knew _ he admired Dolls for that.

 

And so did Nicole. 

 

She knew how much they all meant to him and how much just being there helped him get by. And Dolls knew about how difficult it was for Nicole to understand her past, and that whatever it was that was happening at that time is happening again. 

 

Even Dolls was traumatised at the thought of what that could mean for Nicole because chances were, if Bulshar had failed to kill her once, he’d succeed if he tried again. 

 

Nicole feels like she’s living a nightmare at that thought, because she’s awake now and she’s sitting up in bed breathing heavily and she’s  _ frightened _ .

 

She slips out of bed, careful not to wake a sleeping Waverly when she moves away from her sleepy embrace and pads to the bathroom quietly. 

 

She just about passes out when she hears her name whisper-called out in the darkness. 

 

“Haught!” 

 

Nicole searches for the voice and follows it, only to see Wynonna at the bottom of the stairs. 

 

“Hey, Earp,” she mumbles. Nicole doesn’t even bother asking why Wynonna is awake at this dreaded time. She understands fully and doesn’t want to bring it up anymore than she needs to. 

 

She’s drunk, Nicole can smell it from the top of the stairs, but Wynonna is still very much conscious which Nicole is grateful for. 

 

“What’re doing up so late?” Wynonna asks, leaning against the banister. 

 

Nicole pauses. She doesn’t want to lie to Wynonna but she doesn’t want to talk about it yet either, so she settles for somewhere in between. 

 

“I just woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Nicole shrugs, sitting on the top step.

 

“Are you sure? Because if anyone’s used to the sweaty nightmare look, it’s definitely me.” Wynonna climbs the stairs and sits next to Nicole, who moves over to make room for her.  “What happened, Nic?” 

 

Nicole looks down at her hands nervously before breaking down completely, the tears hot and heavy as they run down her cheeks. 

 

Wynonna widens her eyes because she’s  _ never _ seen Nicole like this before.  _ Ever. _ It scares her, too. It scares her to see Nicole, the most rational and collected and put together one of the group, losing her mind and breaking down in front of her. 

 

Wynonna isn’t a sympathetic person, not really, but they all need each other at the moment and Nicole has already done so much for all of them by just sticking around and  _ grounding _ them.  

 

She pulls Nicole into her side and the redhead cries harder, mumbling one word into Wynonna’s neck over and over and over. 

 

_ Bulshar.  _

 

_ Bulshar. _

 

_ Bulshar. _

 

“Is that why Dolls gave you files?” Wynonna questions, already knowing the answer. “Do you have something to do with him?” 

 

Nicole nods sadly. “He tried to kill me once.”

 

Wynonna closes her eyes and pulls Nicole tighter against her.  _ No one is ever okay in this crappy town. _

 

Nicole trusts Wynonna, that’s what’s initially established, but the fact that Wynonna is  _ here _ , letting Nicole be vulnerable and comforting her shows that Wynonna trusts Nicole  _ too,  _ and somehow that’s everything to them both. 

 

She trusts Nicole enough to show her that she  _ can _ be sympathetic and she  _ can _ be understanding and to Nicole, it’s hugely important. 

 

“Someone saved me,” Nicole sniffles and continues. “I don’t know who it was. My memories are so cracked and repressed that I can’t even land-”

 

Nicole chokes out a sob but continues, barely, “I can’t even land on anything. None of my memories are stable and I don’t know what’s  _ real _ , Wynonna.”

 

Wynonna doesn’t speak, she justs listens. She knows that’s what Nicole needs so she listens close. She listens to Nicole cry when she can’t speak another word and she holds Nicole like she would hold her own sister, or a best friend. 

 

To Wynonna, Nicole had become both of those things.

 

There’s a silence and it’s comfortable, but Wynonna can’t sit through it any longer without asking one important question.

 

“Does Waverly know?”

 

Nicole nods against her, “yeah, she does. She promised she’d help me figure more out if I wanted to.” 

 

Wynonna breathes out an understanding, “I’ll help too, Nicole.”

 

Nicole wants to laugh because this is so  _ not _ Wynonna but also she thinks this is what their relationship has been leading up to. 

 

They’ve built up trust and they both want to protect Waverly, and Nicole is sure that is a main part of why they get on. They have their differences, of course they do, they’re opposites for basically everything. But that doesn’t stop them fighting for each other and for Waverly and Doc and Jeremy and Alice and for  _ Dolls.  _

 

“You’re my family too, Haught.” Wynonna rubs her shoulder and moves around her, gesturing Nicole to look up at her. 

 

Nicole lifts her head from Wynonna’s shoulder and they make eye contact, and Nicole breaks a little more when she sees the tears brimming Wynonna’s eyes.  _ Gotta be the alcohol. _

 

“You’re family. You’re  _ my _ family. Okay?” Wynonna curls one hand around Nicole’s neck. “Please,  _ please _ don’t hide this stuff from me. Or from Waverly. Especially from Waverly, you know what she’s like.”

 

Nicole laughs softly and Wynonna smiles,  _ genuinely _ smiles. 

 

“Seriously, Haught. We can help you and we will.” 

 

The look in Nicole’s eye is the thank you that she wants to give Wynonna, who acknowledges it and pulls Nicole close again. 

 

“You have us, now. We’re not much, but-”

 

“Wynonna, you’re everything I have. You, Waverly, Doc and Jeremy. It’s all I want now.” Nicole admits. “God, I’m such a sap.” 

 

“I know,” Wynonna laughs. “C’mere.”

 

Wynonna presses her lips to the crown of Nicole’s head and then parts ways and stands, holding a hand out to help the redhead up.

 

“If you can’t sleep, take a shower and you might feel better. I’ll be downstairs with whiskey if you need me, okay?” 

 

Nicole nods, “thanks, Wy.” 

 

Wynonna gives Nicole’s shoulder a final squeeze before disappearing downstairs. “Oh, and one final thing. Just do one thing for me?”

 

“Anything.” 

 

Nicole means it, Wynonna knows it. 

 

“Just, hold onto Waverly for me? You’re the only one I really trust with her. And I know she loves you more than anything, even if it pains her too much to say it at the moment.”

 

Nicole softens because she _ knows _ and she gives a gentle smile. “Always.” 

 

\---

 

Nicole takes Wynonna’s advice and showers.

 

She washes off the nightmare and its aftermath of sweat and terror but she holds on tightly to her interaction with Wynonna. 

 

The water is boiling and Nicole’s skin is red raw but she needs it. She needs to feel the pain to make sure she’s  _ real _ and she’s  _ here _ and that more importantly she’s alive. She’s alive and she has the people she loves, most of them, at least.

 

Dolls has left her an important job though and it’s one that he didn’t ever explicitly ask her to do, but it’s one she needs to do. 

 

Take care of them.

 

Take care of Wynonna for him, but take care of Waverly and Jeremy and Doc because they need  _ her  _ like they needed him. Nicole can ground them and it’s okay for her to break sometimes, because leaders aren’t always the strongest people. 

 

Leaders have a lot to lose so they fight for it, and that’s why they win. 

 

That’s why Nicole will win. Because otherwise she’d lose everything. 

 

Dolls just got teared down, and it wasn’t his fault. None of it was his fault. No one was to blame for his passing. 

 

No one.

 

Not even Nicole, as much as she might think so.

 

It’s not Nicole’s fault. 

 

It’s not.

 

It’s not. 

 

_ It’s not. _

 

She turns the water to cold, to freezing so that she can feel the other side of the burn, but also so she can feel  _ everything else _ . 

 

She washes through her hair three times before she feels like she’s rubbed out all of the sweat and anger and fear. Only then does she wash it again and step out of the shower. 

She’s changing into some fresh, soft pyjamas when there’s a light knock on the door.

 

“Baby?” Waverly’s timid voice calls out. “It’s four in the morning, what are you doing?” 

 

Nicole sighs. “I’ll be through in a second.”

 

Nicole assumes Waverly’s caught on to the idea of another nightmare and it’s confirmed when Waverly says nothing more. 

 

Nicole runs her hands through her hair once she’s changed and hesitates before opening the door and walking back through to Waverly’s bedroom.

 

_ Their bedroom, _ Waverly would always say,  _ because I can’t sleep without you anymore. _

 

Nicole feels arms around her as soon as she steps through the bedroom door frame. Waverly’s pressed into her chest, arms tight around Nicole’s torso and face nuzzled into her neck. 

 

Nicole tightens her arms around Waverly and breathes in her scent of home. “Wave?” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Waverly shakes her head against Nicole’s collarbone before pulling back to face her. “I just- I woke up and you weren’t here and I  _ panicked _ Nicole. I haven’t panicked that much since…” 

 

And they both realise at the same time that it was only recently that she  _ had  _ in fact panicked so much, because Nicole almost fell off a cliff a few days before and she wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for Wynonna. 

 

“I was so scared Nicole. I thought-” 

 

“Hey.” Nicole stops her. “I’m right here. I’m never going anywhere, I’m right here.” 

 

Nicole pulls her closer to her chest again and they stand in Waverly’s room, swaying and just holding each other until Waverly speaks.

 

“I’m sorry,” Waverly sniffs, backing away from Nicole to look at her. “I’m sorry, did you- did you have another nightmare?” 

 

Nicole nods.

 

“Oh, Nicole.” 

 

Waverly steps back towards the bed, pulling Nicole with her with the full intent to be Nicole’s rock. 

 

Nicole has been there for her through everything with no hitches, and it’s about time she did the same. 

 

Waverly lays on the bed on her back and raises one arm up so Nicole can curl into her. The redhead has a soft smile on her face and tears in her eyes again, so she moves quickly into Waverly’s side and drapes an arm over Waverly’s stomach, nosing at Waverly’s collarbone as she lays her head there. 

 

It happens less, this position, the one where Nicole is the one being comforted. 

 

She’s usually the rock. She’s usually the one to hold Waverly and listen to her quiet sobs as she cries over the next disaster waiting to happen in Purgatory because God knows they’re all lined up waiting to strike. 

 

Nicole holds herself together for everyone else and herself too, because she needs to convince herself that everything will be okay eventually and crying about it doesn’t feel useful.

 

Nicole finds comfort immediately in Waverly now. 

 

Waverly is warm, and her skin is soft and she smells florally and homely and there’s something else that’s entirely Waverly about it that Nicole always labels as her but can’t quite put her finger on. 

 

Waverly’s warmth though, figuratively and literally, is what makes Nicole calm down and feel safe. 

 

When she’s awake or she’s conscious of Waverly being there it’s everything, but she can never stop the nightmares. 

Solely because they’re so haunting.

 

Now though, it’s everything. 

 

With Nicole nuzzled into Waverly, their legs tangled and the redhead’s arm draped over her and Waverly’s fingers toying mindlessly with Nicole’s wet hair, it’s all Nicole needs to feel okay again. 

 

And right now, she does feel okay because Waverly is here and she won’t let go of Nicole, not now and not ever. They needed each other, they would always need each other, but there was want too, because neither of them would want anyone else but each other. 

 

Nicole had memorised Waverly inside and out. 

 

She knew when Waverly needed space and she knew when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Nicole knew when she wanted them to relax together and she knew when Waverly needed something else to take her mind off what was already going on. 

 

She knew Waverly’s favourite outfit and hairstyle and meal, she knew her favourite movies and books and series, she knew her favourite memories and the things that made her laugh. She knew her favourite music and that she loved to watch Nicole make playlists in the evenings when they had nothing better to do. 

 

She knew which of her sweaters Waverly would always steal so she’d hand it to her instead of waiting for her to disappear and wear it sheepishly. 

 

She knew when Waverly pouted it was because she wanted to kiss her and when she nuzzled into Nicole’s neck for long enough it’s because she was tired and she wanted the redhead to hold her. 

 

She knew it all within just a few months, but those few months were the most important ones of her life and she would never trade them for anything. 

 

Waverly holding Nicole close like this meant she was comfortable and there for her and that she loved her, even if it wasn’t verbalised. Nicole knew, and that was the important thing.

 

Especially now, with the way Waverly was looking at Nicole.

 

It was pure love, but Waverly didn’t have to say a thing for Nicole to know. 

 

She just  _ knew. _

 

Waverly pulls Nicole closer and presses her lips against her forehead, lingering and leaving them there while Nicole closes her eyes and lets the tears fall warm against Waverly’s neck. 

 

Waverly’s crying too, Nicole notes, because she hates to see Nicole like this. Detests it even. She hates to know that Nicole has been through something this traumatic and that it still haunts her. She hates that there’s nothing she can do to help her other than listen to the screams and hope that cuddling her will help her calm down. 

 

But it’s all they can do, so they hold on to it. 

 

“Wave?” Nicole mumbles against the younger Earp’s neck. “Waverly?” 

 

“Mm?” 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“ _ Nicole, _ ” Waverly coos sadly. “You don’t need to thank me, okay? Ever.” 

 

Nicole nods against her, softly kissing her on the neck. 

 

“I’m here for you. Always, okay? I’m not going anywhere either. Ever.” 

 

Nicole continues to cry gently and silently against her, but Waverly thinks the tears are a little less sad now. 

 

“You’re everything to me, Nicole.  _ Everything.” _

 

Nicole  _ knows _ that was an  _ I love you, _ and her heart sings before more tears fall. 

 

“Look at me,” Waverly whispers. “Baby, look at me.” 

 

Nicole lifts up and gazes at her girlfriend who raises a hand to stroke Nicole’s cheek. 

 

“I promise you, I’m here. Always. You’re everything to me, Nicole Haught.” Waverly’s crying harder now, too. She leans forward and kisses Nicole softly, so soft that Nicole can barely feel it but she can taste Waverly’s lips so she  _ knows _ she’s there. “We can get through this. We can.” 

 

“I trust you, Waves. I just need time,” Nicole says quietly, moving to kiss Waverly again. 

 

“I know,” Waverly nods. “We go at your pace. I’m never going to push you to do this, it’s all your choice.” 

 

Nicole’s heart clenches because she can see how serious Waverly is and how honest she is, how much she really means it. 

 

The knowledge that they’ll always be there for each other is what sends them back to sleep, Nicole buried into Waverly’s shoulder and their limbs tangled as Waverly holds her girlfriend. 

 

The nightmares aren’t over, not by a long shot, but they’re on the road to controlling them, Waverly and Nicole and Wynonna, too. And that, Nicole can hold onto. 

**Author's Note:**

> hit my [tumblr](http://legittattooogun.tumblr.com/) if you wanna say anything


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